thankfully, ze's not offended by your question. "it was //so// poorly organized. my JamCo®-Mmunicator wasn't connected to the registration system properly, so i lost touch with all the mates i met there... but my cousin pulled some strings and long story short, JamCo® reserved a place for me in 3013. i'm not letting that happen again -- i've already registered nine mates so far!"\n\n* [[that sucks... wait, nine? already?]]\n* [[are you looking for a tenth? (wink wink)]]
you have no idea how to respond to this. all you manage to eke out is a gutteral growl.\n\n"what, you've never heard of music chemistry? you live under some kind of rock or something?"\n\n* [[whoa, no need to be rude]]\n* [[yes actually i am a goddamn space grub thanks for noticing]]
this is obviously a job for [[JamCo®'s Wild and "Whet" Stone|whetstone]] -- especially on a day when you have to look your [[sharpest]].
"yup, nine! here's a hint: get jammed early." ze sticks zir tongue out playfully. "is that an issue?"\n\n* [[no, why would it be?]]\n* [[yeah -- but it's not you!]]
shall we go with the [[JamSsential! ValuVarnish™|valuvarnish]] or [[JamCo®'s Shellac for the Sensuous Spacebear|sensuous shellac]]?
<<set $current_bear_jam = $tarazed_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $sniff_visited = visited("Tarazed sniff")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 5>>Tarazed ducks away from your paw and glares at you.\s\n<<else>>Tarazed raises a spacepaw in turn.\s\n<<set $tarazed_jam_level = $tarazed_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level touch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5>>[[woo!|Tarazed]]<<endif>>
<<set $current_bear_jam = $pherkad_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $talk_visited = visited("Pherkad talk")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>Pherkad takes a sudden step back, placing zir paws in zir lab coat pockets.\s\n<<else>>Pherkad's nose perks up as you raise your eyebrows and give the air a long, exaggerated sniff.\s\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>><<set $pherkad_jam_level += 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>><<set $pherkad_jam_level += 2>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>><<set $pherkad_jam_level += 3>><<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level sniff">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3>>[[yeah!|Pherkad]]<<endif>>
<<if visited("Diphda") eq 1>>you approach ''Diphda''\s\n<<if $bottom eq "parachute pants">><<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a bolo tie">><<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $top eq "a hemp hoop skirt">><<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level - 1>><<endif>>\s\n\s\n<<else>>you hope you're hitting it off with ''Diphda''\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<set $current_bear_jam = $diphda_jam_level>>\s\n, who is wearing a football jersey and sweatpants. <<display "jam level grin">>\n\n<<if $bottom eq "parachute pants" or $accessory eq "a bolo tie">>\s\nDiphda compliments you on \s\n<<if $bottom eq "parachute pants">>your parachute pants ("the 2980s knew what was up")<<endif>>\s\n<<if $bottom eq "parachute pants" and $accessory eq "a bolo tie">><html> </html>and<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a bolo tie">>your bolo tie ("it means business, but not the business sort of business")<<endif>>\s\n. \s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if $top eq "leather bustier">>\s\n<<if $bottom eq "parachute pants" or $accessory eq "a bolo tie">>but<html> </html><<endif>>\s\nze's not into your leather bustier ("leather? what are you trying to say with that?").\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if not visited("Diphda talk")>>* [[shoot the shit with Diphda|Diphda talk]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Diphda sniff")>>* [[get a good whiff of Diphda|Diphda sniff]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Diphda touch")>>* [[reach out with your paw to Diphda|Diphda touch]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Diphda scratch")>>* [[show Diphda your nails|Diphda scratch]]<<endif>>\s\n* [[add Diphda to your JamCo®-Mmunicator|Diphda add]]
<<if visited("Tarazed") eq 1>>you approach ''Tarazed''\s\n<<if $top eq "leather bustier">><<set $tarazed_jam_level = $tarazed_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "4d spacetime glasses">><<set $tarazed_jam_level = $tarazed_jam_level - 1>><<endif>>\s\n\s\n<<else>>you hope you're hitting it off with ''Tarazed''\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<set $current_bear_jam = $tarazed_jam_level>>\s\n, who is wearing a lacy pink corset and a poodle skirt. <<display "jam level grin">>\n\n<<if $top eq "leather bustier">>Tarazed compliments you on your leather bustier ("it really accentuates your bearchest! i wish i could pull that off").<<endif>> \s\n<<if $accessory eq "4d spacetime glasses">>\s\n<<if $top eq "leather bustier">>but<html> </html><<endif>>\s\nze's not into the spacetime glasses ("aren't three dimensions enough for you?").\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if not visited("Tarazed talk")>>* [[shoot the shit with Tarazed|Tarazed talk]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Tarazed sniff")>>* [[get a good whiff of Tarazed|Tarazed sniff]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Tarazed touch")>>* [[reach out with your paw to Tarazed|Tarazed touch]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Tarazed scratch")>>* [[show Tarazed your nails|Tarazed scratch]]<<endif>>\s\n* [[add Tarazed to your JamCo®-Mmunicator|Tarazed add]]
<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>ze gives you a reserved spacebear smile.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3 and $current_bear_jam lt 5>>ze flashes you a shiny spacebear grin.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5 and $current_bear_jam lt 7>>ze bares their biters, and you feel your tender spacebear heart skip in the best way.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 7>>ze is staring at you hungrily, as if ze could go a scratch or two right then and there.<<endif>>\s
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<<if visited("rules of spacebear courtship") eq 1>>\nyou pull out your JamCo®-mmunicator and <<continue>>hit the most prominent button on the home screen<<endcontinue>>hit the most prominent button on the home screen.\n\n<html><center>★★★</center></html>\n\nTHE 9 COMMANDMENTS OF SPACEBEAR COURTSHIP\n\nCongratulations! You have been selected to participate in the Official JamCo® MateFest™ 3013! Here are some suggestions for maximizing spacebear pleasure at this year's MateFest™.\n\n9. Spacebear are permitted (and encouraged!) to mate with a ''maximum of nine (9) spacebear'' at MateFest™. (We apologize for this restriction, but must ensure that MateFest™ complies with intergalactic law.)\n<<continue>>fine<<endcontinue>>\n8. If a spacebear is interested in you, remember to add zir to your ''JamCo®-Mmunicator''!\n<<continue>>well duh<<endcontinue>>\n7. For your convenience, there are several ''Jam Closets'' located in various areas across MateFest. Please keep your jam within these boundaries!\n<<continue>>dang, okay i guess<<endcontinue>>\n6. Remember ''"TSTS": talk, sniff, touch, scratch''. This is the proper order of things, established by years of spacebear tradition.\n<<continue>>of course<<endcontinue>>\n5. All mateships must be ''properly registered'' through your JamCo®-Mmunicator. Failure to comply will result in //immediate// ejection from MateFest™. NO EXCEPTIONS.\n<<continue>>right<<endcontinue>>\n4. Spacebear ''mate for life''. This is a biological fact. Do not try to find ways around it.\n<<continue>>got it<<endcontinue>>\n3. //Never// interrupt two spacebear if they are performing the mating rites. ''Wait your turn!''\n<<continue>>yeah that'd be rude<<endcontinue>>\n2. No means no, yes means take it slow, because ''consenting spacebear never know''! No need to do everything at once before getting your spacebear's JamCo® ID.\n<<continue>>most definitely<<endcontinue>>\n\nAnd the most important commandment of all is...\n\n<<timedinsert 1.5s>>1. ''HAVE FUN!''*\n\n~~brought to you by [[JamCo® Lifestyle Publications|lifestyle]] -- subscribe today!~~\n\n<html><center>★★★</center></html>\n\nyeah you got this shit //down//.\n\n<<if state.history[1].passage.title eq "lifestyle">>\s\n<<print "[[back|" + state.history[3].passage.title + "]]">>\n<<else>>\s\n<<print "[[back|" + state.history[1].passage.title + "]]">>\n<<endif>>\s\n\n~~* ed. note: actually rule no. 2 is the most important, 'cause consent is a vital ingredient in the recipe for fun~~\n<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<else>>\nTHE 9 COMMANDMENTS OF SPACEBEAR COURTSHIP\n\nCongratulations! You have been selected to participate in the Official JamCo® MateFest™ 3013! Here are some suggestions for maximizing spacebear pleasure at this year's MateFest™.\n\n9. Spacebear are permitted (and encouraged!) to mate with a ''maximum of nine (9) spacebear'' at MateFest™. (We apologize for this restriction, but must ensure that MateFest™ complies with intergalactic law.)\n\n8. If a spacebear is interested in you, remember to add zir to your ''JamCo®-Mmunicator''!\n\n7. For your convenience, there are several ''Jam Closets'' located in various areas across MateFest. Please keep your jam within these boundaries!\n\n6. Remember ''"TSTS": talk, sniff, touch, scratch''. This is the proper order of things, established by years of spacebear tradition.\n\n5. All mateships must be ''properly registered'' through your JamCo®-Mmunicator. Failure to comply will result in //immediate// ejection from MateFest™. NO EXCEPTIONS.\n\n4. Spacebear ''mate for life''. This is a biological fact. Do not try to find ways around it.\n\n3. //Never// interrupt two spacebear if they are performing the mating rites. ''Wait your turn!''\n\n2. No means no, yes means take it slow, because ''consenting spacebear never know''! No need to do everything at once before getting your spacebear's JamCo® ID.\n\n\nAnd the most important commandment of all is...\n\n1. ''HAVE FUN!''*\n\n~~brought to you by [[JamCo® Lifestyle Publications|lifestyle]] -- subscribe today!~~\n\n<html><center>★★★</center></html>\n\nyeah you got this shit //down//.\n\n<<if state.history[1].passage.title eq "lifestyle">>\s\n<<print "[[back|" + state.history[3].passage.title + "]]">>\n<<else>>\s\n<<print "[[back|" + state.history[1].passage.title + "]]">>\n<<endif>>\s\n\n~~* ed. note: actually rule no. 2 is the most important, 'cause consent is a vital ingredient in the recipe for fun~~\n\n<<endif>>
you let out a restrained roar so you can see how your biters gleam. and oh! do they //gleam//.\n\n[[lookin' good|get going]]
spacebear also hate it when folks try to pluralize "spacebear" by adding an 's'. no. don't do it.\n\n[[i don't know why you had to go into that, but okay|sharpest]]
of //course// you're going with the [[JamCo®'s Shellac for the Sensuous Spacebear|shellac]], as if there was even a choice.\n\n<<display "shellac end">>
<<replace>>...<<becomes>>......<<becomes>>.........<<becomes>>............<<becomes>>you *pop* back into reality in an intimate jam bath with <<print $lovers[2]>>, <<print $lovers[0]>>, and <<print $lovers[3]>>.\n\nas they give you a better jam massage than you've ever dreamed of, you can't think of any place you'd <<continue>>rather be--<<endcontinue>>rather be--\n\n--your 'Mmunicator interrupts, reminding you that you have a jam session with <<print $lovers[1]>> <<if $lovers.length eq 5>>and <<print $lovers[4]>><html> </html><<endif>>coming up soon.\n\nokay, maybe there are places it would be //just// as good to be.\n\n[[END]]<<endreplace>>
<<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level + 1>>\s\nPherkad looks abashed. "i'm really sorry, i didn't mean it that way. i care a lot about my craft but it's still pretty niche, i don't blame you for never having heard of it."\n\n[[aw, it's okay. things are cool between us.|Pherkad]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $tarazed_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $add_visited = visited("Tarazed add")>>\s\n\s\n<<display "jam level add">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 6 and $tarazed_bad eq 0>>[[sweet! time to meet more spacebear|matefest hub]]\s\n<<set $lovers.push("Tarazed")>>\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6 and $add_visited eq 1>>[[alright|Tarazed]]\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $tarazed_bad eq 1>>\n[[sweet! time to meet more spacebear|one too many]]\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
♫ "eye-catching shine for heart-throbbing horns" ♫\n\n<<if visited("valuvarnish")>>[[back|valuvarnish]]\s\n<<else>>[[back|sensuous shellac]]\s\n<<endif>>
<<set $jam_level = $jam_level + 1>>\s\none more jar of space jam can only help, not hurt, right? you make your way over to a Jam Closet and throw one back. ahhh.\n\nyou are feeling \s\n<<if $jam_level gte 0 and $jam_level lt 2>>pretty okay about yourself.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>>more confident by the minute. you can feel your pheroglands emitting sexscent. good, good.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>>like the swaggiest spacebear in the house!!! and your pheroglands are WORKIN'.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 6>>more virile than you ever have before. use caution.<<endif>>\n\n[[alright, back to the convention hall|matefest hub]]
Arcturus pirouettes in front of you, ending in a pose pointing zir paw in the opposite direction from you.\n\n"real spacebear speak and act with //honor//. "\n\n[[right-o, weirdo|matefest hub]]
<<if visited("Minkar") eq 1>>you approach ''Minkar''\s\n<<if $top eq "greatcoat">><<set $minkar_jam_level = $minkar_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a bolo tie">><<set $minkar_jam_level = $minkar_jam_level - 1>><<endif>>\s\n\s\n<<else>>you hope you're hitting it off with ''Minkar''\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<set $current_bear_jam = $minkar_jam_level>>\s\n, who is wearing a smoking jacket and laid-back cordoroys. <<display "jam level grin">>\n\n<<if $top eq "greatcoat">>Minkar compliments you on your greatcoat ("i appreciate a piece of apparel that can double as a tent").<<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a bolo tie">>\s\n<<if $top eq "greatcoat">>but<html> </html><<endif>>\s\nze's not into your bolo tie ("what are you, some kind of space cowbear? cow spacebear?").\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if not visited("Minkar talk")>>* [[shoot the shit with Minkar|Minkar talk]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Minkar sniff")>>* [[get a good whiff of Minkar|Minkar sniff]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Minkar touch")>>* [[reach out with your paw to Minkar|Minkar touch]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Minkar scratch")>>* [[show Minkar your nails|Minkar scratch]]<<endif>>\s\n* [[add Minkar to your JamCo®-Mmunicator|Minkar add]]
you abashedly admit your ignorance, \n\n<<if $jam_level gte 2>>Pherkad laughs. "it's okay, at least you had good intentions."\n\n[[sweet|Pherkad]]\s\n<<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level + 2>>\s\n<<else>>"well. it's not cute."\n\n[[DAMN|matefest hub]]\s\n<<endif>>
you approach the <<continue>>spacebear couple...<<endcontinue>>spacebear couple...\n\n...and are immediately rebuffed even before you open your mouth to greet them! ouch!\n\n[[don't fuck with other spacebear couples in the making, fool!|matefest hub]]
whoa, you had no idea the 'Mmunicator was also an instaportable. that's neat.\n\n<<if $lovers.length eq 0>>[[mating love jam orgy here we gooooooo|no lovers]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if $lovers.length eq 1>>[[mating love jam orgy here we gooooooo|one lover]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if $lovers.length eq 2 or $lovers.length eq 3>>[[mating love jam orgy here we gooooooo|two or three lovers]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if $lovers.length eq 4 or $lovers.length eq 5>>[[mating love jam orgy here we gooooooo|four or five lovers]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if $lovers.length eq 6>>[[mating love jam orgy here we gooooooo|six lovers]]<<endif>>\s
<<set $current_bear_jam = $merak_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $add_visited = visited("Merak add")>>\s\n\s\n<<display "jam level add">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 6>>[[sweet! time to meet more spacebear|matefest hub]]\s\n<<set $lovers.push("Merak")>>\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6 and $add_visited eq 1>>[[alright|Merak]]\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
you think that changing the conversation back to yourself and Merak is a reasonable enough request, but Merak doesn't seem to agree.\n\n"so if i do so much as mention my other partners, you think it's appropriate to bring it right back to you? yeah, i don't think tihs is gonna work."\n\n[[bye then|matefest hub]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $merak_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $talk_visited = visited("Merak talk")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>Merak takes a sudden step back, placing zir paws on zir hips.\s\n<<else>>Merak shines zir biters at you as give the air a long, exaggerated sniff.\s\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>><<set $merak_jam_level += 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>><<set $merak_jam_level += 2>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>><<set $merak_jam_level += 3>><<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level sniff">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3>>[[yeah!|Merak]]<<endif>>
yeah, you've been hitting the [[space jam]] pretty hard lately.
<<set $current_bear_jam = $merak_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $sniff_visited = visited("Merak sniff")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 5>>Merak ducks away from your paw and glares at you.\s\n<<else>>Merak raises a spacepaw in turn.\s\n<<set $merak_jam_level = $merak_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level touch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5>>[[woo!|Merak]]<<endif>>
<<if visited("Minkar")>>\s\n<<if $lovers.indexOf("Minkar") lt 0>>\s\nyou admit that you and Minkar didn't seem to have the right chemistry or something.\n\nMerak blinks a couple times and then nods at you. "i was having my doubts, but you've made a good impression on me. let's try this -- i'd like to get to know you better."\n\n<<set $merak_jam_level = $merak_jam_level + 1>>\s\n[[cool|Merak]]\n<<else>>\s\nyou tell Merak that things fell through with Minkar... even though zir JamCo® ID is registered with your JamCo®-Mmunicator.\n\nMerak snorts. "what, you think Minkar and i don't ///talk//? what did you think //lying// was going to get you? you're ridiculous."\n\n[[well that was a stupid plan|matefest hub]]\n<<endif>>\s\n<<else>>maybe if you tell Merak you and Minkar didn't get along, ze'll stop asking all these questions.\n\nthe ploy works... in a way. "if it went that badly between you and Minkar, i don't have much hope for us."\n\n[[bye then|matefest hub]]\n<<endif>>
<<if not visited("Minkar")>>\s\nyou figure Minkar's probably alright, but Merak is squinting at you suspiciously. after a brief pause, ze speaks.\n\n"nope, i don't believe you. i think we can end this conversation now."\n\n[[who IS Minkar, anyway?|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>\s\n <<if $lovers.indexOf("Minkar") gte 0>>"great! if Minkar likes you, there's a good chance i will too."\n\n <<set $merak_jam_level = $merak_jam_level + 1>>\s\n [[how convenient|Merak]]\n <<else>>"you like Minkar, but Minkar didn't really like you. sorry, but i don't think we're gonna get along well either."\n \n [[fine, be that way|matefest hub]]\n <<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
"i'm a music chemist," Pherkad says. "i take the elements of music and make them //react//, you know?"\n\n* [[uh...]]\n* [[dude i LOVE music chemistry!!!]]\n* [[what kind of music do you make?]]
you shrug. willingness to be open with all partners is of paramount importance; these are the realities of spacebear mateships.\n\n"so, i am glad you see it that way! i admit i am in a tizzy over zir, but i will try to be better in this courtship. i appreciate your understanding."\n\n<<set $minkar_jam_level = $minkar_jam_level + 2>>\s\n[[cool|Minkar]]
you open your cavernous bear wardrobe<<if visited("work it, baby")>><html> </html>yet again<<endif>>. what will you attire yourself in today?\n\nyou try on your <<cyclinglink $top "sleeveless flannel shirt" "leather bustier" "greatcoat">> with <<cyclinglink $bottom "denim cutoffs" "a hemp hoop skirt" "parachute pants">>, finishing the look with <<cyclinglink $accessory "4d spacetime glasses" "a bolo tie" "a top hat">>.\n\n[[work that body|work it, baby]]
you talk about the days of yore when you were a varsity galaxy swimmer.\n\nDiphda nods. "i was never into galaxy swimming myself. i like to //compete//."\n\n* [[my greatest rival has always been myself]]\n* [[hey, i was in it for the competition too]]
<<if $current_bear_jam lt 5>>"hey, don't you think you're being a little aggressive?"\n\nehhhh, looks like that ended fast.\n\n[[DAMN|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5 and not $sniff_visited>>"normally i wouldn't appreciate such forwardness, but i like you. give me a sniff, eh?"\s\n<<else>>you touch your forepaws together, then your foreheads, then finally your iridescent spacebear butts. you comment that your fur looks good with zir fur -- and ze seems to agree.\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
you pose in the mirror one more time, modelling your <<print $top>>, <<print $bottom>>, and <<print $accessory>>.\n\nhow you feelin'?\n\n* [[i am one hella rad spacebear]]\n* [[i could do better|pick out your threads]]
who does this pretentious cub think ze is? you spit some snark at zir because there's no point in pursuing //anything// with this spacewipe.\n\n"so what, i didn't like you either," Pherkad scoffs.\n\n[[there are better spacebear out there|matefest hub]]
you're worried now, but there's no turning back now. you pray that the jam will get you through this.\n\n<<if $jam_level gte 4>>Pherkad laughs. you're pretty sure ze knows you're bullshitting at this point, but at least ze finds it endearing.\n\n[[sweet|Pherkad]]\s\n<<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<else>>nope, Pherkad's not buying it at all. "get out. i don't like dealing with //liars//."\n\n[[DAMN|matefest hub]]\s\n<<endif>>
though you appreciate the offer, it turns out that you're not actually //that// interested.\n\nArcturus looks slightly disappointed. "i promise you i'm an excellent teacher, but the right spacebear doesn't have to be a dancer. bears like me are few and far between."\n\n<<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level + 1>>\s\n[[maybe one day|Arcturus]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $merak_jam_level>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 7>>Merak cries out upon seeing your nails.\s\n<<else>>Merak smirks and bares zir own nails as well.\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level scratch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 7>>[[this is AWESOME|Merak]]<<endif>>
<<replace>>...<<becomes>>......<<becomes>>.........<<becomes>>............<<becomes>>you awaken in an sleep pod, which ejects you onto the floor as you <<continue>>open your eyes<<endcontinue>>open your eyes.\n\na robo-spacebat is flying around your head as you sit up and rub your eyes. wha...?\n\n"welcome to the JamCo® Casuals Colony, spacebear! we did not find any mate registrations on your JamCo®-Mmunicator, so you will be spending the rest of MateFest™ here with the best uncommitted spacebear in the galaxy -- including yourself. because ♫ why mate for life when you can mate for a moment ♫?"\n\nwhy indeed.\n\n[[END]]<<endreplace>>
you point out one of the very many obvious facts that make this idea completely nonsensical.\n\nDiphda grins. "yeah, i was bullshitting you the entire time. footketball? //really//?"\n\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 1>>\s\n[[oh. well at least ze likes you|Diphda]]
you mash at the screen of your 'Mmunicator, but you don't seem to be instaporting anywhere. what gives?\n\nand then -- [[*ZAP*|zap]]
you are not the least bit interested in ever being a dancer and say just as much.\n\nArcturus gives you a strange look. "why not?"\n\n* [[because real spacebear don't dance]]\n* [[i don't have the body for it]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $diphda_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $sniff_visited = visited("Diphda sniff")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 5>>Diphda ducks away from your paw and glares at you.\s\n<<else>>Diphda raises a spacepaw in turn.\s\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level touch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5>>[[woo!|Diphda]]<<endif>>
!! HEY HERE ARE SOME CREDITS\nyou just played ''JAMCO® MATEFEST™ 2013'' by [[thricedotted|https://www.twitter.com/thricedotted]]\n\n<html><center>★★★</center></html>\nthis game was made with [[twee|http://www.gimcrackd.com/etc/src/]], which is awesome\n\nspecial thanks to [[meritt kopas|http://www.mkopas.net/]] for leading the twine workshop that finally got me to try this thing, and [[Seattle Attic|http://www.seattleattic.com]] for hosting said workshop\n\nvast amounts of gratitude for the zillions of twine tips and resources compiled and created by [[anna anthropy|http://www.auntiepixelante.com/twine/]], [[porpentine|http://aliendovecote.com/?page_id=4047]], and [[Leon Arnott|http://l.j-factor.com/twine/]]\n\ngalaxy background is from [[Wikipedia|http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Heart_and_Soul_nebulae.jpg]]\n\n<html><center>★★★</center></html>\nyou jammed with <<if $lovers.length eq 0>><<print "0">><<else>><<print $lovers.length>><<endif>> out of 6 spacebear. refresh to play again!
<<if not visited("Merak")>>sure you know Merak. sure you do.<<else>>yeah, of course you know Merak, that was totally the bear you were all up on just minutes ago (okay, you don't include that last part).<<endif>>\n\n"so, what do you think of zir?"\n\n* [[ze's a rockin' bear|rock minkar]]\n* [[we didn't really hit it off|no minkar]]
a better question would have been who //doesn't// enjoy dancing? anybody? anybody at all? the correct answer to that question certainly doesn't include you.\n\nArcturus is delighted and invites you to star tango. you leap around one another, glowing with the soft intensity of pulsars.\n\n<<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level + 3>>\s\n[[shine on you crazy diamonds|Arcturus]]
<<if visited("Pherkad") eq 1>>you approach ''Pherkad''\s\n<<if $top eq "sleeveless flannel shirt">><<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "4d spacetime glasses">><<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $bottom eq "a hemp hoop skirt">><<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level - 1>><<endif>>\s\n\s\n<<else>>you hope you're hitting it off with ''Pherkad''\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<set $current_bear_jam = $pherkad_jam_level>>\s\n, who is wearing a lab coat and skinnnnnny jeans. <<display "jam level grin">>\n\n<<if $top eq "sleeveless flannel shirt" or $accessory eq "4d spacetime glasses">>\s\nPherkad compliments you on \s\n<<if $top eq "sleeveless flannel shirt">>your sleeveless flannel shirt ("so hot, yet cool!")<<endif>>\s\n<<if $top eq "sleeveless flannel shirt" and $accessory eq "4d spacetime glasses">><html> </html>and<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "4d spacetime glasses">>your spacetime glasses ("can you see the end of the universe in those?")<<endif>>\s\n. \s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if $bottom eq "a hemp hoop skirt">>\s\n<<if $top eq "sleeveless flannel shirt" or $accessory eq "4d spacetime glasses">>but<html> </html><<endif>>\s\nze's not into your hemp hoop skirt ("that just looks uncomfortable").\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if not visited("Pherkad talk")>>* [[shoot the shit with Pherkad|Pherkad talk]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Pherkad sniff")>>* [[get a good whiff of Pherkad|Pherkad sniff]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Pherkad touch")>>* [[reach out with your paw to Pherkad|Pherkad touch]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Pherkad scratch")>>* [[show Pherkad your nails|Pherkad scratch]]<<endif>>\s\n* [[add Pherkad to your JamCo®-Mmunicator|Pherkad add]]
<<if visited("Merak")>>you act as though you have never heard of anyone named Merak.\n\n"so! you are a liar!" Minkar shakes zir paw at you. <<if $lovers.indexOf("Merak") gte 0>>"i do not see why ze chose you as a mate as well!<<else>>"and i understand exactly why ze considered you unworthy of mating with!<<endif>> so, get out of my sight!"\n\n[[so, that was kinda harsh|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>you tell Minkar that this Merak is a stranger to you.\n\n"ah, that is okay. so, ze is a wonderful, //wonderful// spacebear -- oh, what am i saying, i hope i am not making you jealous."\n\n* [[yeah, how about we talk about me instead|me minkar]]\n* [[don't be silly, why would i be jealous?|jealous minkar]]\n<<endif>>
you tell Arcturus you would like that, and ze responds with a step-by-step demonstration of a traditional spacebear dance, passed down over many centuries.\n\nwithin ten minutes, you have mastered the so-called "moonwalk". Arcturus is //very// pleased.\n\n<<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level + 2>>\s\n[[you will dance on the floor in the round|Arcturus]]
it would not do to even the slightest amount of grease on your fur today. you pour 0.005 space tonnes of [[JamCo®'s Good Old-Fashioned Oil-Absorbent Freshmaker Premium|freshmaker]] -- yeah, that's right, the //premium// -- into your beartub.\n\nyou roll and flip in the dust with great abandon, covering your body in the freshmaker, getting it all up in all your parts, from your least to most intimate crevices.\n\n[[this feels great|cleanse2]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $minkar_jam_level>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 7>>Minkar cries out upon seeing your nails.\s\n<<else>>Minkar smirks and bares zir own nails as well.\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level scratch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 7>>[[this is AWESOME|Minkar]]<<endif>>
♫ "fun fearless spacebear!" ♫\n\n<<print "[[back|" + state.history[1].passage.title + "]]">>
<<set $current_bear_jam = $tarazed_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $talk_visited = visited("Tarazed talk")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>Tarazed takes a sudden step back, placing zir paws on zir hips.\s\n<<else>>Tarazed shines zir biters at you as give the air a long, exaggerated sniff. \s\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>><<set $tarazed_jam_level += 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>><<set $tarazed_jam_level += 2>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>><<set $tarazed_jam_level += 3>><<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level sniff">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3>>[[yeah!|Tarazed]]<<endif>>
<<replace>>...<<becomes>>......<<becomes>>.........<<becomes>>............<<becomes>>you *pop* back into reality in an intimate jam bath with <<print $lovers[0]>>.\n\nas you scoop jam into each other's gaping spacebear maws, you can think of no place you'd <<continue>>rather be--<<endcontinue>>rather be--\n\n--until your jamming is interrupted by <<print $lovers[0]>>'s 'Mmunicator. "sorry about this, but i've got another matedate!" and ze is suddenly zapped away to another jam bath.\n\nyou let out a long spacebear sigh.\n\n[[END]]<<endreplace>>
<<replace>>...<<becomes>>......<<becomes>>.........<<becomes>>............<<becomes>>you *pop* back into reality in an intimate jam bath with <<print $lovers[1]>>.\n\nyou are scooping jam into each other's gaping spacebear maws, when suddenly there's another <<continue>>pop<<endcontinue>>*pop*... and it's <<print $lovers[0]>>!\n\n<<if $lovers.length eq 2>>as they both initiate a jam massage on your spaciest bits, you realize that three is most certainly //not// a crowd.<<endif>>\s\n<<if $lovers.length eq 3>>and with yet another <<continue>>*pop*<<endcontinue>>*pop*, <<print $lovers[2]>> also appears! \n\nyou lie back and sigh in jammy satisfaction as the three of them initiate a jam massage on your spaciest bits.<<endif>>\n\n[[END]]<<endreplace>>
you shake yourself off and run your paws over your now-lustrous bear body.\n\n[[aw yeah|get going]]
whoa whoa whoa //hell nah// what are you even //thinking//, you ought to throw that ValuVarnish out //right now//\n\nif you have even a space gram of self-respect, the correct and only choice is obviously [[JamCo®'s Shellac for the Sensuous Spacebear|shellac]].\n\n<<display "shellac end">>
<<if visited("Pherkad") and visited("Tarazed") and visited("Arcturus") and visited("Diphda") and (visited("couple") or (visited("Minkar") and visited("Merak")))>>\s\nwhoa damn check out all these -- [[wait where did all the spacebear go]]\n<<else>>\s\nwhoa damn check out all these spacebear. who will you approach?\n\s\n<<if visited("matefest hub") gte 5 and not visited("couple")>>\n<html><br /></html>looks like that one couple is finally done with whatever they were doing!<html><br /></html>\n<<endif>>\s\n\n<<if not visited("Pherkad")>>* [[the science-y spacebear with the headphones|Pherkad]]<<endif>>\s\n\s\n/% don't interrupt the couple, you'll lose both! %/\s\n<<if visited("matefest hub") lt 6 and not visited("couple")>>\s\n* [[the two sexy spacebear smelling each other's necks|couple]]\s\n<<else>>\s\n <<if not visited("couple")>>\s\n <<if not visited("Minkar")>>* [[the cigar-smoking spacebear who knows how to relax|Minkar]]<<endif>>\s\n <<if not visited("Merak")>>* [[the shameless spacebear with the exposed ass|Merak]]<<endif>>\s\n <<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Tarazed")>>* [[the frilly spacebear that might like dogs|Tarazed]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Arcturus")>>* [[the preppy spacebear with space on zir legs|Arcturus]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Diphda")>>* [[the mad chill jock-lookin' spacebear|Diphda]]<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>
you stumble across jam jars on your way to the bathroom. gotta be your best for MateFest™!\n\n<<if visited("initiate deep fur cleanse") and visited("polish your biters") and visited("shellac your horns") and visited("whet your nails")>>\s\nyou've got the basics done. time to [[pick out your threads]].\n<<else>>\s\n<<actions "initiate deep fur cleanse" "polish your biters" "shellac your horns" "whet your nails">>\n<<endif>>
<<set $current_bear_jam = $minkar_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $sniff_visited = visited("Minkar sniff")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 5>>Minkar ducks away from your paw and glares at you.\s\n<<else>>Minkar raises a spacepaw in turn.\s\n<<set $minkar_jam_level = $minkar_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level touch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5>>[[woo!|Minkar]]<<endif>>
<<if not visited("Minkar")>>sure you know Minkar. sure you do.<<else>>yeah, of course you know Minkar, that was totally the bear you were all up on just minutes ago (okay, you don't include that last part).<<endif>>\n\n"so, what do you think of zir?"\n\n* [[ze's a rockin' bear|rock merak]]\n* [[we didn't really hit it off|no merak]]
you bust open a brand new pack of [[JamCo®'s Superior Strength Biter Sticks|biter sticks]] and scrub away at those beautiful biters.\n\n[[scrub scrub scrub]]
♫ WELCOME TO THE [[SPACE JAM|wake up]] ♫
♫ "something to write //hone// about!" ♫\n\n[[back|whet your nails]]
you shrug. willingness to be open with all partners is of paramount importance; these are the realities of spacebear mateships.\n\n"i'm so glad you see it that way! i'm still a little spacey over Minkar, but i'll bring it down a notch. thanks for understanding."\n\n<<set $merak_jam_level = $merak_jam_level + 2>>\s\n[[cool|Merak]]
<<display "truestart">>
ha ha, "sharpest", ha ha ha. because of your nails, and how sharp they need to be, which is sharper than all other nails.\n\nyou hone 'em to symmetrical points. because [[spacebear|spacebear plural]] //love// symmetry.\n\n[[i believe you are fly|get going]]
what better time to break out the double entendres than now? what a setup.\n\nDiphda's eyes narrow. <<if $diphda_jam_level gt 3>>"you're lucky that you've already made a good impression on me, or i'd just stop this right here."\n\n[[sorry, Diphda|Diphda]]\n<<else>>"i didn't come here to find some immature spacecub. find someone your own age if that's how you want to talk."\n\n[[foul!|matefest hub]]\n<<endif>>
"me? i'm working on a new sport. it's going to be a combination of basketball and football. i'm going to call it... footketball. get it?"\n\n* [[no, no i do not get it]]\n* [[that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard]]\n* [[so do you use the football or the basketball?]]
<<if visited("Minkar")>>you act as though you have never heard of anyone named Minkar.\n\n"you're a liar!" Merak shakes zir paw at you. <<if $lovers.indexOf("Minkar") gte 0>>"i don't know what ze sees in you.<<else>>"i see exactly why ze didn't want to be with you.<<endif>> move along, this isn't going to work."\n\n[[that was kinda harsh|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>you tell Merak that this Minkar is a stranger to you.\n\n"that's okay. ze's, like, //super// great -- oh space, what'm i saying, i hope i'm not making you jealous."\n\n* [[yeah, how about we talk about me instead|me merak]]\n* [[don't be silly, why would i be jealous?|jealous merak]]\n<<endif>>
you make some cliché remark about how you've gotta be your own relative measuring stick, blah blah blah.\n\nbut Diphda seems to like it. "that's the right philosophy to have. i think we could get along."\n\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 2>>\s\n[[a point in the hole|Diphda]]
...maybe the question somehow sounded less rude in your head or something.\n\nTarazed's eyes turn towards the ground. "leave me. //now//."\n\n[[oh well, didn't need all that emotional baggage anyway|matefest hub]]
you shrug -- the more the merrier, right?\n\nyou say as much, and Tarazed grins at you wickedly.\n\n<<set $tarazed_jam_level = $tarazed_jam_level + 3>>\s\n<<set $tarazed_bad = 1>>\s\n[[sweet|Tarazed]]
<<if not visited("rules of spacebear courtship")>>\s\nHOLD UP, young spacebear. how about you check out [[the rules|rules of spacebear courtship]] one more time? just to be sure you don't fuck this up even before you start?\n<<else>>\s\ncome on and //slam//!\n\n[[teleport to MateFest™|teleport]]\n<<endif>>
you <<if $jam_level lt 2>>mumble something about going<<else>>assert confidently that you go<<endif>> to the spacegym quite regularly.\n\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>>"if you say so, dude." Diphda does not look convinced, and you feel a sudden urge to run to a Jam Closet right about now.\n\n[[maybe you can recover|Diphda]]\n<<else>>Diphda laughs. "oh yeah, i can tell. your bear-bod does not lie."\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 2>>\s\n\n[[damn right it doesn't!|Diphda]]\n<<endif>>
♫ "strong enough for a spacebear!" ♫\n\n[[back|polish your biters]]
sports are a thing that //exist//? did you //literally// just say that?\n\n"you are OUT OF BOUNDS," Diphda fumes. you don't think this is worth pursuing anymore.\n\n[[whatever, footketball was stupid ANYWAY|matefest hub]]
you point out that most spacebear, including yourself, do not possess the limberness necessary for being a good dancer.\n\nthis seems to satisfy Arcturus, who takes the implied compliment in stride.\n\n<<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level + 1>>\s\n[[tango, tango|Arcturus]]
in an attempt to impress Pherkad, you begin gushing about music chemistry in the most general terms possible, because this is not actually a thing you have //ever// heard of.\n\nPherkad looks at you with narrowed eyes. "are you sure you're talking about...music chemistry?"\n\n* [[totally, i know my shit]]\n* [[um...no, actually. i just wanted to impress you...]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $diphda_jam_level>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 7>>Diphda cries out upon seeing your nails.\s\n<<else>>Diphda smirks and bares zir own nails as well.\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level scratch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 7>>[[this is AWESOME|Diphda]]<<endif>>
as you open your eyes, the bottom doors of your sleep pod automatically open.\n\nyou are unceremoniously ejected out onto a pile of [[jam jars]].\n\ntoday's a big day. you'd better [[get going]].
<<set $current_bear_jam = $arcturus_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $sniff_visited = visited("Arcturus sniff")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 5>>In a flash, Arcturus prances away from your raised paw.\s\n<<else>>Arcturus' raises zir paws above zir head and lets them fall into your own.\s\n<<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level touch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5>>[[woo!|Arcturus]]<<endif>>
<<continue>>"HOLD IT"<<endcontinue>>"HOLD IT"\n\ntwo JamCo® officials suddenly swoop down on space segways. they pay you no mind, but Tarazed's eyes are wide with shock as they each tap zir arms in unison with their glaresticks. one of the officials turns to you.\n\n"sorry you had to find out this way, but this one is a pawn from JamSsential!. you don't want anything to do with this rotten spacehole. try someone else next time."\n\n[[DAMN|matefest hub]]
"hey, have you met Minkar yet?"\n\n* [[why yes i have|yes merak]]\n* [[who is Minkar?]]
"this isn't my first time at MateFest™," Tarazed says. "i was here last year too!"\n\nthat seems odd. MateFest™ is notoriously difficult to get tickets for, with a several-year long waiting list and priority to newcomers and the mateless (cough, cough).\n\n* [[really? how did you get to come back so soon?|tarazed soon]]\n* [[did you lose all your mates or something?]]
you don't trust your mouth to withhold your actual thoughts on this, so you take the question literally and shake your head no.\n\n"that's cool, most spacebear don't. are you into any sports?"\n\n* [[i did galaxy swimming for a time in space school]]\n* [[i try to keep in shape]]\n* [[sports are a thing that exist]]
you think that changing the conversation back to yourself and Minkar is a reasonable enough request, but Minkar doesn't seem to agree.\n\n"so! if i am to talk of my other partners, you wish to only talk of yourself instead? i am sorry, but this will not work."\n\n[[time for a different conversation|matefest hub]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $minkar_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $talk_visited = visited("Minkar talk")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>Minkar takes a sudden step back, placing zir paws on zir hips.\s\n<<else>>Minkar shines zir biters at you as give the air a long, exaggerated sniff.\s\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>><<set $minkar_jam_level += 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>><<set $minkar_jam_level += 2>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>><<set $minkar_jam_level += 3>><<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level sniff">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3>>[[yeah!|Minkar]]<<endif>>
you profess that the times you've tried to dance before have never ended well, but that doesn't stop you from enjoying it -- or at least wanting to enjoy it.\n\nArcturus nods thoughtfully. "i could teach you, if you're that interested."\n\n* [[what a lovely offer!]]\n* [[thanks but no thanks]]
footketball, seriously? nobody can be serious about that.\n\n<<if $jam_level lt 5>>"okay, so i'm not serious about it at all. but you didn't need to be so insulting about it. i don't want to deal with a spacebear who gets zir jollies out of //insulting// me."\n\n[[uh, okay. BYE|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>"you're right, i'm not serious about it. thank ursa //somebody// figured it out." that wasn't the reaction you were expecting, but Diphda's got a sharp gleam in zir eye that makes your stomach flutter.\n\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 3>>\s\n[[scoooooore|Diphda]]\n<<endif>>
<<print $lovers[$current_idx]>>\n<<if $current_idx lt $lovers.length>>\s\n<<set $current_idx += 1>>\s\n<<display "loop simulator">>\s\n<<endif>>\s
the raddest of them all, for sure.\n\nit's time to get out of here. before leaving, you shotgun a jar of jam for that <<replace>>extra boost<<becomes>>extra boost (not that you need it, mind)<<endreplace>> and grab your <<replace>>JamCo®-mmunicator<<becomes>>JamCo®-mmunicator, full of [[helpful tips|rules of spacebear courtship]] for mackin' on spacebear of all persuasions<<endreplace>>.\n\n[[let's DO THIS]]
<<if not visited("Merak")>>\s\nyou figure Merak's probably alright, but Minkar is squinting at you suspiciously. after a brief pause, ze speaks.\n\n"no, no. i don't think you're telling the truth. so, i am leaving this conversation now."\n\n[[who IS Merak, anyway?|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>\s\n <<if $lovers.indexOf("Merak") gte 0>>"ah! so, if Merak likes you, we will surely get along."\n\n <<set $minkar_jam_level = $minkar_jam_level + 1>>\s\n [[that's convenient|Minkar]]\n <<else>>"so, you like Merak, but Merak did not like you so much. so, i am sorry, but i do not think we will get along very well either."\n \n [[so, fine, so, be that way|matefest hub]]\n <<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
"so, have you met Merak yet?"\n\n* [[why yes i have|yes minkar]]\n* [[who is Merak?]]
"do you enjoy dancing?"\n\n* [[dancing is my favorite of all the hobbies]]\n* [[sometimes i think my feet are made of lead, but i'd like to learn]]\n* [[never have, never will]]
♫ "it's the fur-shiniest!" ♫\n\n[[back|initiate deep fur cleanse]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $diphda_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $talk_visited = visited("Diphda talk")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>Diphda takes a sudden step back, placing zir paws on zir hips.\s\n<<else>>Diphda shines zir biters at you as give the air a long, exaggerated sniff.\s\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>><<set $diphda_jam_level += 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>><<set $diphda_jam_level += 2>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>><<set $diphda_jam_level += 3>><<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level sniff">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3>>[[yeah!|Diphda]]<<endif>>
"//i// certainly wouldn't be opposed." ze sticks zir tongue out playfully.\n\n<<set $tarazed_jam_level = $tarazed_jam_level + 3>>\s\n<<set $tarazed_bad = 1>>\s\n[[sweet|Tarazed]]
what the hell is "music chemistry"? you don't know, but you don't want to ask, so you try the next best thing.\n\n"i'm actually really interested in the intersection of smell and music synthesis -- it's very cutting edge stuff, kinda hard to explain. most spacebear tune me out when i bring up the music chemistry, but i'm so glad you're interested! i'd be happy to tell you about it more sometime."\n\n[[sweet|Pherkad]]\n<<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level + 2>>\s
you take issue with the implication that //competitive galaxy swimming// is somehow "uncompetitive".\n\n<<if $jam_level lt 4>>"yo, calm your bones," Diphda says. "no reason to get fired up, i get it."\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<else>>Diphda grins. "alright, i can see that there's a competitor in you. i like it."\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = $diphda_jam_level + 2>>\s\n<<endif>>\n[[a point in the hole|Diphda]]
if that's what ze wants to talk about, might as well try to figure out what the hell ze means.\n\n"it's like a football, but it bounces, and you have to throw it through a hoop that only has three sides. and it has a //lot// of physical contact."\n\n* [[i'm into contact sports if you know what i mean]]\n* [[won't the football bounce every which way?]]
<<replace>>...<<becomes>>......<<becomes>>.........<<becomes>>............<<becomes>>you *pop* back into reality swimming in a jam pool with <<print $lovers[0]>>, <<print $lovers[1]>>, <<print $lovers[2]>>, <<print $lovers[3]>>, <<print $lovers[4]>>, and <<print $lovers[5]>> -- along with a dozen other spacebear you've never seen before. everybody is diving frenetically in and out the jam, eating jam voraciously, jamming it up in ways you have //never// seen spacebear jam <<replace>>before<<becomes>>before, even in the raunchiest vids in your secret collection of jamporns<<endreplace>>.\n\n<<continue>>...<<endcontinue>>...\n\nTHIS IS THE GREATEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE IN YOUR SPACEBEAR LIFE\n\n[[END]]<<endreplace>>
you realize that your 'Mmunicator is buzzing urgently and flashing a message on the screen:\n\n[[PRESS HERE TO INSTAPORT TO MATING LOVE JAM ORGY]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $pherkad_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $sniff_visited = visited("Pherkad sniff")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 5>>Pherkad ducks away from your paw and glares at you.\s\n<<else>>Pherkad raises a spacepaw in turn.\s\n<<set $pherkad_jam_level = $pherkad_jam_level + 1>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level touch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 5>>[[woo!|Pherkad]]<<endif>>
you step into your [[JamCo® Translocation Device|teleporter]], authenticate with the 'Mmunicator, and state:\n\n<<continue>>"destination: MateFest™"<<endcontinue>>"destination: MateFest™"\n\nthe device issues two short beeps. "i'm sorry, i didn't get that. please repeat your destination clearly."\n\n[["DESTINATION... JAMCO® MATEFEST™ 3013!!!"|matefest hub]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $pherkad_jam_level>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 7>>Pherkad cries out upon seeing your nails.\s\n<<else>>Pherkad smirks and bares zir own nails as well.\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level scratch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 7>>[[this is AWESOME|Pherkad]]<<endif>>
though it feels kind of awkward, you bring up the fact that nine is the maximum number of mates you can register at MateFest™.\n\n"oh no, you're right. i guess i got trigger-happy, i've added everyone i met so far. if it turns out that we're hitting it off, i know which ones i can unregister with, it's not an issue."\n\n<<set $tarazed_jam_level = $tarazed_jam_level + 2>>\s\n<<set $tarazed_bad = 0>>\s\n[[cool|Tarazed]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $tarazed_jam_level>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 7>>Tarazed cries out upon seeing your nails.\s\n<<else>>Tarazed smirks and bares zir own nails as well.\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level scratch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 7>>[[this is AWESOME|Tarazed]]<<endif>>
<<set $current_bear_jam = $diphda_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $add_visited = visited("Diphda add")>>\s\n\s\n<<display "jam level add">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 6>>[[sweet! time to meet more spacebear|matefest hub]]\s\n<<set $lovers.push("Diphda")>>\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6 and $add_visited eq 1>>[[alright|Diphda]]<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
<<if visited("Merak")>>\s\n<<if $lovers.indexOf("Merak") lt 0>>\s\nyou admit that you and Merak didn't seem to have the right chemistry or something.\n\nMinkar stares over your shoulder for a moment, then gives a start. "so, i was having my doubts, but you have made a good impression on me. let us try this, i would like to get to know you better."\n\n<<set $minkar_jam_level = $minkar_jam_level + 1>>\s\n[[cool|Minkar]]\n<<else>>\s\nyou tell Minkar that things fell through with Merak... even though zir JamCo® ID is registered with your JamCo®-Mmunicator.\n\nMinkar claps zir paws together and growls. "so, you think i do not speak with Merak at all? what do you think you have to gain from lying to me? i can tell you what you do not have to gain: me!"\n\n[[well that was a stupid plan|matefest hub]]\n<<endif>>\s\n<<else>>maybe if you tell Minkar you and Merak didn't get along, ze'll stop asking all these questions.\n\nthe ploy works... in a way. "so, this is your experience with Merak? i am sorry, but i do not think we will get along either."\n\n[[bye then|matefest hub]]\n<<endif>>
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<<set $current_bear_jam = $arcturus_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $add_visited = visited("Arcturus add")>>\s\n\s\n<<display "jam level add">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 6>>[[sweet! time to meet more spacebear|matefest hub]]\s\n<<set $lovers.push("Arcturus")>>\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6 and $add_visited eq 1>>[[alright|Arcturus]]\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
you are inside a <<continue>>pod<<endcontinue>>pod.\n\nan extremely bright light comes <<continue>>on<<endcontinue>>on.\n\nthe pod begins to <<continue>>shake<<endcontinue>>shake. \n\nit's time to [[wake up, spacebear|wake up]].
<<set $current_bear_jam = $arcturus_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $talk_visited = visited("Arcturus talk")>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>Arcturus leaps back nimbly and flourishes dramatically at you.\s\n<<else>>Arcturus stands on zir tiptoes and raises zir snout in the air.\s\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>><<set $arcturus_jam_level += 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>><<set $arcturus_jam_level += 2>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>><<set $arcturus_jam_level += 3>><<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level sniff">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3>>[[yeah!|Arcturus]]<<endif>>
<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6 and $add_visited eq 1>>"how about we get to know each other better first?"\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6>>\s\n"sorry, i... i don't know if this is going to work. i don't think we're really that compatible."\n\n[[DAMN|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>\s\n"sure, let's swap JamCo® IDs and register!"\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
<<if $current_bear_jam lt 7>>"what the space?! put those away!<<if $current_bear_jam eq 6>><html> </html>and to think that i was ready to register for mating with you. you are //not// getting my JamCo® ID now.<<endif>>"\n\nehhhh, looks like that ended fast.\n\n[[DAMN|matefest hub]]\s\n<<else>>glancing around furtively, you each leave a scratch upon the other's forepaw. "there's more where that came from."\s\n<<endif>>\s
<<if visited("Merak") eq 1>>you approach ''Merak''\s\n<<if $bottom eq "denim cutoffs">><<set $merak_jam_level = $merak_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a top hat">><<set $merak_jam_level = $merak_jam_level - 1>><<endif>>\s\n\s\n<<else>>you hope you're hitting it off with ''Merak''\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<set $current_bear_jam = $merak_jam_level>>\s\n, who is wearing a silk blouse and assless chaps. <<display "jam level grin">>\n\n<<if $bottom eq "denim cutoffs">>Merak compliments you on your denim cutoffs ("nice natural fray!").<<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a top hat">>\s\n<<if $bottom eq "denim cutoffs">>but<html> </html><<endif>>\s\nze's not into your top hat ("don't you need a monocle to go with that? how about a cane? and a wheelbarrow of space credits?").\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if not visited("Merak talk")>>* [[shoot the shit with Merak|Merak talk]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Merak sniff")>>* [[get a good whiff of Merak|Merak sniff]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Merak touch")>>* [[reach out with your paw to Merak|Merak touch]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Merak scratch")>>* [[show Merak your nails|Merak scratch]]<<endif>>\s\n* [[add Merak to your JamCo®-Mmunicator|Merak add]]
<<if $current_bear_jam lt 3>>"hey, don't you think you're being a little aggressive?"\n\nehhhh, looks like that ended fast.\n\n[[DAMN|matefest hub]]\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 3 and not $talk_visited>>"normally i wouldn't appreciate such forwardness, but i like you. how about we talk a little?"\s\n<<else>>you both lean in and sniff each other passionately. \s\n<<if $jam_level lt 2>>"mmm. nice."<<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 2 and $jam_level lt 4>>"mmm, you smell so jammy."<<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 4 and $jam_level lt 6>>"whoooooaaaaa yesssss"<<endif>>\s\n<<if $jam_level gte 6>>"...maybe you should lay off with the jam."<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
<<set $current_bear_jam = $pherkad_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $add_visited = visited("Pherkad add")>>\s\n\s\n<<display "jam level add">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 6>>[[sweet! time to meet more spacebear|matefest hub]]\s\n<<set $lovers.push("Pherkad")>>\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6 and $add_visited eq 1>>[[alright|Pherkad]]\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
they didn't need a slogan for this one, it basically sold itself. come on, it's a fucking //teleporter//.\n\n[[back|teleport]]
<<if visited("Arcturus") eq 1>>you approach ''Arcturus''\s\n<<if $bottom eq "a hemp hoop skirt">><<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a top hat">><<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level + 1>><<endif>>\s\n<<if $top eq "greatcoat">><<set $arcturus_jam_level = $arcturus_jam_level - 1>><<endif>>\s\n\s\n<<else>>you hope you're hitting it off with ''Arcturus''\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<set $current_bear_jam = $arcturus_jam_level>>\s\n, who is wearing a striped polo shirt with galaxy leggings. <<display "jam level grin">>\n\n<<if $bottom eq "a hemp hoop skirt" or $accessory eq "a top hat">>\s\nArcturus compliments you on \s\n<<if $bottom eq "a hemp hoop skirt">>your hemp hoop skirt ("that takes some dedication to get around in")<<endif>>\s\n<<if $bottom eq "a hemp hoop skirt" and $accessory eq "a top hat">><html> </html>and<html> </html><<endif>>\s\n<<if $accessory eq "a top hat">>your top hat ("distinguished indeed, fine spacebear")<<endif>>\s\n. \s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<if $top eq "greatcoat">>\s\n<<if $bottom eq "a hemp hoop skirt" or $accessory eq "a top hat">>but<html> </html><<endif>>\s\nze's not into your greatcoat ("we are spacebear, not polar bears!").\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if not visited("Arcturus talk")>>* [[shoot the shit with Arcturus|Arcturus talk]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Arcturus sniff")>>* [[get a good whiff of Arcturus|Arcturus sniff]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Arcturus touch")>>* [[reach out with your paw to Arcturus|Arcturus touch]]<<endif>>\s\n<<if not visited("Arcturus scratch")>>* [[show Arcturus your nails|Arcturus scratch]]<<endif>>\s\n* [[add Arcturus to your JamCo®-Mmunicator|Arcturus add]]
<<if $lovers.length eq 0>>you have no JamCo® IDs currently registered in your 'Mmunicator.<html><br /><br /></html>\s\n<<else>>you have <<print $lovers.length>> JamCo® ID(s) currently registered in your 'Mmunicator:\n<<set $current_idx = 0>>\s\n<<display "loop simulator">>\n<<endif>>\s\nyou can double-check those [[tips|rules of spacebear courtship]] again, you know, just to be sure you're doing this thing right.\n\n[[back to reality OH|matefest hub]]
<<set $current_bear_jam = $minkar_jam_level>>\s\n<<set $add_visited = visited("Minkar add")>>\s\n\s\n<<display "jam level add">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 6>>[[sweet! time to meet more spacebear|matefest hub]]\s\n<<set $lovers.push("Minkar")>>\s\n<<else>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 6 and $add_visited eq 1>>[[alright|Minkar]]\s\n<<endif>>\s\n<<endif>>\s
you paint the shellac over each of your horns with your finest hornbrush, carefully ensuring a smooth, even sheen all around.\n\n[[you are so fine|get going]]
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<<set $current_bear_jam = $arcturus_jam_level>>\s\n<<if $current_bear_jam lt 7>>Arcturus shudders upon seeing your nails.\s\n<<else>>Arcturus makes a swipe at you, zir nails barely missing your chest.\s\n<<endif>>\n\n<<display "jam level scratch">>\n\n<<if $current_bear_jam gte 7>>[[this is AWESOME|Arcturus]]<<endif>>
<<if visited("matefest hub") eq 1>>after some laser flashes and a *pop*, you find yourself instantly disintegrated and reassembled in fine order.\n\nyou find yourself in \s\n<<else>>you're back in<html> </html><<endif>>\s\na large convention hall, surrounded by the sexiest spacebear the galaxy has to offer.\n\nwell then. what do?\n\n* [[approach a fellow spacebear]]\n* [[find a Jam Closet]]\n* [[check your JamCo®-Mmunicator|mmunicator hub]]
<<set $jam_level = 0>>\s\n\s\n<<set $pherkad_jam_level = 1>>\s\n<<set $merak_jam_level = 3>>\s\n<<set $minkar_jam_level = 2>>\s\n<<set $tarazed_jam_level = 2>>\s\n<<set $diphda_jam_level = 1>>\s\n<<set $arcturus_jam_level = 1>>\s\n\s\n<<set $lovers = []>>\s\n\s\n<<set $tarazed_bad = 1>>\s\n!!JAMCO® MATEFEST™ 3013\na spacebear jam opera dating sim by [[thricedotted|http://www.twitter.com/thricedotted]]\n\n~~(warning: your browser back button will make you //lose all progress// if you use it! so don't use it!)~~\n\n[[let's jam|begin]]