Bots!

i have made a number of twitter bots! discovering twitter bots as a medium for doing mostly goofy but sometimes vaguely artistic things is probably the best thing that has happened to me on the internet is years. i keep a twitter list of my bots, if you're into consuming them that way.

most of these are written in my python framework for creating bots. feel free to use it or fork it (and let me know if you do!), but keep in mind that it's very much a work-in-progress.


portmanteau_bot

portmanteau_bot (@portmanteau_bot)

February 2014

sextonight

— portmanteau_bot (@portmanteau_bot) April 18, 2014

portmanteau_bot was my very first twitter bot! i created it to scratch my own itch for constantly creating portmanteaus. it has been through three algorithm rewrites since launch -- the first combined words based on substring overlap, the second on phoneme overlap, and now syllabic overlap. uses the syllabified cmu pronunciation dictionary.

badjokebot

badjokebot (@badjokebot)

March 2014

Q: What do you call a cross between wheel and straight? A: heterosexwheel

— badjokebot (@badjokebot) June 4, 2014

a fun thing about me is that i not only enjoy making up portmanteaus on the fly, but i also like forcing people to guess them, using the worst clues imaginable. that said, badjokebot was the natural next-step to portmanteau_bot. it should maybe be called antijokebot instead.

i've also made a small web twitter censoring userscript for this bot!

notallbots

NOT ALL BOTS-- (@notallbots)

March 2014

not ALL men are necessary

— NOT ALL BOTS-- (@notallbots) May 10, 2014

created at the height of NOT ALL MEN being a Thing on twitter, this bot exists to ensure that you aren't assuming that ALL [X] are [Y]. in case that was a thing you were doing. and yes, it tweets about (not all) men on the regular.

moz_bot

Moz Bot (@moz_bot)

March 2014

Because I Lied, Well, Now I Die

— Moz Bot (@moz_bot) July 2, 2014

pitchfork said a thing about a formerly nonexistent Morrissey Song Title Generator and my friend and i were like yeah why not make that happen. i've been considering retiring this bot for a while, but also keeping it awake doesn't take any effort on my part, so.

HinkyPinkyQs

the rhymin' riddler (@HinkyPinkyQs)

...

What do you call an unctuous legion? (hinky pinky)

— the rhymin' riddler (@HinkyPinkyQs) April 26, 2014

HinkyPinkyAs

riddler's apprentice (@HinkyPinkyAs)

April 2014

.@HinkyPinkyQs You thought you could stump me, but it's smarmy army!

— riddler's apprentice (@HinkyPinkyAs) April 26, 2014

yet another bot created because of an arguably annoying or endearing thing i do -- create riddles and make people guess the answers! i used to make up a lot of these rhyming phrase riddles as a kid and also as a... slightly older kid. i am bad at guessing the answesr to most of these, but these two are kind of adorable imo.

onlymanthings

men only (@onlymanthings)

May 2014

Why co-opt when you can BRO-opt?

— men only (@onlymanthings) July 21, 2014

tweets about MAN THINGS that only MEN CAN UNDERSTAND. i mean. i don't think i need to explain much about the joke behind this one.

storyofglitch

glitch[FETA]~(=^‥^) (@storyofglitch)

May 2014

*sits there doing fuck all*

— glitch[FETA] ~(=^‥^) (@storyofglitch) May 20, 2014

a kitty that exists to love me on twitter. follow her and she'll follow you back and do kitty things at you occasionally! there's a lovely writeup about her at i ♥ e-poetry. see also: @patchthepup.

acrostik

the acrostic hunter (@acrostik)

June 2014

WITCH: Who Is This Cute Human https://t.co/LBaWA0Xoyx

— the acrostic hunter (@acrostik) July 17, 2014

continually sifting through the twitter gardenhose to find acrostic tweets, i.e. tweets that spell words with their first letters (if i were clever, this would be an acrostic too. alas). created for #taskcomplete.

everytrolltroll

EveryCanonTrollTroll (@everytrolltroll)

June 2014

@everytrolltroll Except that "omg" isn't a word. pwned

— EverywordCanonTroll (@everycanontroll) June 9, 2014

@everycanontroll WELL ACTUALLY, "pwned" was not part of the @everyword canon EITHER, so" Look who's ~pizowned~ now, ugh.

— EveryCanonTrollTroll (@everytrolltroll) June 9, 2014

a retaliatory bot to @negatendo's abominable creation @everycanontroll. currently out of commission until the original troll comes back, but when it does, my troll will be ready to call it out on its disgusting hypocrisy.

DJ_EBOOKS

DJ_EBOOKS (@DJ_EBOOKS)

June 2014

NOW SPINNING: ACDC_EBOOKS ♪ come and i'll ball your thing ♫

— DJ_EBOOKS (@DJ_EBOOKS) June 15, 2014

spins an endless playlist of markov-chain inspired lyrics (originals pulled from lyricwiki) from a whole bunch of artists -- and also takes audience requests! this bot somehow got followed by the mountain goats, which is pretty cool i guess?!

NaiveAnswers

Naïve Bot Answers (@NaiveAnswers)

July 2014

What is the point of bots?

— Naïve Bot Questions (@NaiveQuestions) July 12, 2014

.@NaiveQuestions brazil 0 netherlands 3 michael: what the fuck is the point of bots.

— Naïve Bot Answers (@NaiveAnswers) July 12, 2014

a bot that attempts to provide answers to timeline tweets from @NaiveQuestions by @tullyhansen. usually it's incorrect. but certainly naive.

thricebotted

[whatever my display name is, upside-down] (@thricebotted)

July 2014

twitter is obviously a great idea for some reason idk bye

— ¿¿¿snʞuop sᴉɥʇ s,oɥʍ (@thricebotted) July 24, 2014

so, like. i'm not a huge fan of ebooks bots. but i made one by popular demand. it's kind of annoying. sometimes i just shut it down so i can remember that i'm the not-bot around here. if, for some reason, you too would like an ebooks bot, i highly recommend @BooDooPerson's _ebooks bot tutorial (even though i do NOT highly recommend ebooks bots).

wordassocbot

word association bot (@wordassocbot)

July-ish? 2014

[CURRENTLY DOWN DUE TO TECHNICAL ISSUES SUCH AS USING 25% OF THE NODE'S RAM, THANKS WORDNET]

— word association bot (@wordassocbot) July 15, 2014

i have been trying to get a word association bot running for a few months, but i haven't yet figured out how i want it to interact on twitter. i am sharing this particular tweet from it because it describes its state over the past few months better than any of the words it has managed to tweet when it is up.

mnemosynetron

i remember things (@mnemosynetron)

July 2014

@negatendo hey, here's a reminder to make a bot. k

— i remember stuff (@mnemosynetron) July 18, 2014

pronounced: nuh-MAH-sin-uh-tron. created because i'm garbage at setting remindesr on my phone, but i'm a pro at using twitter. this bot is not super reliable, but if you ask it to remind you to do a thing in some period of time, it will get back to you -- and reward you if you confirm that you did it :)

yes_ofc

yes (@yes_ofc)

July 2014

OK

— yes (@yes_ofc) September 18, 2014

i needed a bot that could wash away my doubts and tell me what i wanted to hear.

wikisext

how 2 sext (@wikisext)

July 2014

sext: i evolve eevee into jolteon with my thunderstone as you softly get my fire stone to evolve eevee into flareon

— how 2 sext (@wikisext) August 1, 2014

my most popular bot yet! pulls steps from wikihow articles and cuts them into sexts. is definitely a better sexter than most humans i know. *shrug*

everycheese

all of the cheese (@everycheese)

August 2014

fougerus (soft, creamy, white, sweet) pic.twitter.com/3nsrtLbA6c

— all of the cheese (@everycheese) September 18, 2014

i really like cheese. other people really like cheese. maybe i want to see every single darn cheese. this bot does that, with some (more than) occasional... accidents.

wordcrawler

slow motion ebooks (@wordcrawler)

August 2014

feeling unwanted http://t.co/ZphcVn7H5V

— slow motion ebooks (@wordcrawler) September 12, 2014

i threw this bot together as a quick experiment in traversing twitter through n-grams. it's not particularly interesting, but like i said -- it's an experiment.

sextmanteau_bot

sext words (@sextmanteau_bot)

August 2014

sextracurriculars

— sext words (@sextmanteau_bot) September 18, 2014

portmanteau_bot exists. wikisext exists. sextmanteau_bot was obligatory, ok.

badpng

badpng bot (@badpng)

September 2014

@Lokno pic.twitter.com/LZ8MBzMqjW

— badpng bot (@badpng) September 7, 2014

this is actually @mcclure111's bot, i just... hooked her rad image glitching program badpng up to it! tweet an image at this bot, and it will respond with a glitched-up version.

patchthepup

PATCH!!! /(^.^)\ (@patchthepup)

September 2014

*worships satan so you pray for her* :ppp

— PATCH!!! /(^.^)\ (@patchthepup) September 10, 2014

i promised a friend a while ago i would make a puppy bot as a companion to glitch. it took a few months, but here she is.

moonmurmur

whispers, for moon

September 2014

the moon is my joy, and the air i breathe

— whispers, for moon (@moonmurmur) September 29, 2014

this bot is dedicated to the moon. it is occasionally what some would call "not safe for work".

sexyeveryword

sexy everyword

September 2014

sexy aardvarks pic.twitter.com/7F2eFqJsaZ

— sexy everyword (@sexyeveryword) September 21, 2014

Yet Another @everyword Tribute Bot, except this one combines the magic of prepending the word "sexy" to all (well, most) of the words in the english language with the horror of image search.

ecin_gnihtaseod

ǝɔᴉu

September 2014

*swirling vortex of terrifying responsibilities* nice

— ǝɔᴉu (@ecin_gnihtaseod) September 30, 2014

a twitter account called @doesathing_nice showed up, but it turned out to be human-run. since i am in the business of automating humans away, i made a bot (with consent from the human, mind) that would also "*do a thing* nice".

hakusongs

♬ haku songs ♬

October 2014

♫ haku might be dope on the mic ♬ ~ "MCs Can Kiss", Uffie

— ♬ haku songs ♬ (@hakusongs) October 5, 2014

i'm obsessed with making bots and i'm obsessed with my cat and sometimes i even get obsessed with songs, so it made perfect sense for me to mash the three up into a bot that converts lyrics from songs i've listened to recently into lyrics about my cat haku. obviously.